In the wake...

2023.08.17 @ 09:18 MDT / 11:18 EDT

The unpredictability of life.

The catalyst that caused me to begin my blog was the untimely death of my uncle. Not exactly how I envisioned my first entry in this space.

Regardless, this is fitting. Family is an essential part of who I am. Not without its complications, as I am sure many families are. Many of the songs I write are rooted in family, or family is woven into my music, in one way or another. My songs often have layers and multiple meanings, and are not always meant to be taken literally -- even if they have their origins in deeply personal matters.

I do not like to talk about my song meanings. Much. If you were hoping for an exegesis of my song lyrics here, I am afraid you might be thoroughly disappointed.

When I initially write my songs, I tend to write them as a coping mechanism. For myself. To deal with life's many problems, recurring questions I face, all kinds of STUFF that is STUCK inside my brain or heart or soul or body that I need to let out.

But now? These songs are yours. They no longer belong to me. It is a strange thing that happens, really. I write them and play them and sing and scream and cry and then... I am finished. Done. I play them live and can temporarily evoke the Muses and feel the thing I need to feel in that moment but... this is your moment now. These songs are for you.

I do not like to say much because I do not want you to know the whole backstory behind all of my songs. When and how and why I wrote them and all the layers to their meaning. For some of them, I give a short summary. That feels like enough.

You find the meaning you need to find. Create your own meaning. Color them with your paintbrush.

Years later, maybe I shall tell the tales. I appreciate when songwriters do that. After I've had time to digest the music and interpret in my own way. Learning the writer's intent then is something of intrigue.

On Friday, August 18, 2023, I will be playing at the Plant Powered Market at Sunset Parlor in El Paso. This is my second gig since my uncle's passing, and I have a special set list planned including two song dedications for him.

When my godfather, Uncle Joe, died, I was a first year graduate student on the path toward becoming a music therapist. I am reminded of how we gathered together as a family, telling stories and sharing songs and smiles even as we knew he was dying. It was a simultaneously heartbreaking and heartwarming sight.

Music. Connects us. Even when we feel so far apart. From others and ourselves.